Road To The One
by Roxie567
Summary: President Snow just ordered her to marry Peeta and keep up with a charade. Lost and confused, Katniss goes to one person who knows her the best.


Road To The One

I'm left speechless as I hear him order me to get married. I never wanted to get married, let alone marry someone I pretended to love just for the sake of survival. Peeta is not a bad guy, but I don't feel love. I just feel confused, very confused.

My mother's concerned expression follows me as I get ready to leave the house, few minutes after President Snow did. ''Where are you going?'' She asked, trying to hide all the fear in her voice, but I know her too well. I can sense it and I understand. I'm very afraid myself, I guess I'm simply better at hiding it from everyone than her. ''To see a friend.'' I say and she nods her head. She knows who I am talking about. What she doesn't know is why I'm suddenly scared to say his name out loud. Why my heart is beating fast and I can feel myself losing all the control over my life.

I leave in a hurry. However, I walk constantly looking behind my back, as if I'd noticed President's people following me, as if they're not trained enough to hide. And to hide well. The though of them makes me paranoid. Ever since I came back from The Hunger Games, President knew everything I was doing. It's horrifying. But nothing kills me more than the fact they saw the kiss.

The kiss. It surprised me, to be honest. I simply never viewed Gale in that way, even though he obviously viewed me. That doesn't mean I don't have feelings for him because I do. I have many feelings. Intimacy. Trust. Loyalty.

In what seamed as a second, but where probably around 30 minutes, I finish the path I know by heart. A path to his door. I knock on his front door and I realized this is the first time I'm knocking on Hawthrone's door and I'm tense. Scared and paranoid. Hazelle opens the door and she looks genuinely glad to see me. She offers me a sweet smile and she lets me into her home. ''Gale is the kitchen, dear.'' She says without any resentment. I guess she doesn't know what happened the last time I talked to her son, or maybe she hopes I'm here to seak Gale's forgiveness? Maybe she has been rooting for us all this time I was foolish enough to think Gale's feelings for me are not romantic. I don't forget my manners and I quietly say ''Thank you.'' and then I head for the kitchen.

I feel breathless and scared as I see him. Luckily, I don't meet his eyes right away. His back are turned towards me. He focused on the kitchen table and he can't see me. I know if I met his eyes right away I might lose it. I'm searching for a bravery to speak, but no sound leaves my mouth. I think about what should I start with; President's Snow order to marry Peeta or the kiss and the fact I'm not sure what I feel. I know both topics will break his heart and that breaks mine. I close my eyes, trying not to cry.

''I know you're there.'' His voice shakes me from my breakdown. ''I can feel you.'' He says, but he still doesn't turn around. He must be too mad to actually see me.

''President Snow came to see me.'' I blurb. I say it out loud without a plan, now it's out there.

''What did he want?''

''He threatened me, Gale.'' I break down. I cannot hold it anymore. All the fear I feel scares me. I hit the wall and I don't see how to resolve this situation. That frustrates me, that frustrates me to no end. ''He threatened with Prim, with my mom...'' I say softly, trying to catch my breathe. ''With you.''

And with that being said, I break down completely. More than I ever though was possible. I guess everyone are strong to a certain limit. Despite his own anger and hurt, Gale runs to hug me. I am sitting on his kitchen floor and crying my eyes out. He puts his arms around me and I'm so thankful to have him. He smells of coal and his hands are strong. I feel okay being completely vulnerable in front of him. Now that I'm too weak to pick myself up, maybe he can be strong for me. He has been, many times before.

''Shhh...'' I hear him say sweetly. I know he hates it when I cry. ''Why did he threaten you? What do you must do, Catnip?''

I learn my head on his chest afraid that after I answer his question it will be the last time he'll allow me to do so. I'm afraid that after he finds out about my basically arranged marriage, he'll get distant and I lose him. I could never handle losing him, he's too important. As I lie on his chest, trying to slow my breathing and stop my tears, I order myself to remember this moment. Just in case there's no other.

''He knows everything, Gale.'' I finally speak. ''He's been following me since the Games ended.'' And I know now comes that awful part. But I have to tell him, I have to explain it. ''He knows about the kiss.''

His comforting hands are not around me anymore. He moves away, so I look up to meet his eyes. He's shocked. Just like I was. After a minute of silence, in which we simply stare at each other. Saying things words cannot express, he asks. ''What do you have to do?''

''I have to marry Peeta.'' I say it shortly and loudly. Like taking of a bandage. I cannot avoid it any longer. I close myself so I don't see his heart break. It's a memory I do not want, it's something too painful to even know. That his heart is broken and that it's partially, my fault.

He sits there quietly next to me. Even though I cannot think of an actual plan, I still want to make it better. I have to. ''Gale, I...'' our eyes meet again. ''I don't love Peeta, I hope you know I don't. I really don't. It' was all a charade, a way to survive the Games. He's just...he's just a friend, if he's that even. I care about you.'' I speak swiftly, then I touch his hand. ''I love you.''

He moves his hand away. And that hurts a lot. ''I'm in love with you.''

I have no idea where that came from. I simply always refused to think about my feelings for Gale. But deep inside, I guess they where always there. In a split of a second, our lips met. It's sweet and magical and wish it could last a life time, but it can't. I know it can't.

I pull away. ''It's too dangerous.'' His face goes from happy to worried in a second. ''They will kill you. Your family. My family. We have to stay apart.'' I get off his kitchen floor, getting ready to leave.

''They are everywhere, I probably stayed too long already.''

He nods, before he hands me two squirrels. I give him a questionable look. ''So you have an excuse.''


End file.
